


Hi My Name is Link

by TekSonay



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Awkward Romance, F/M, Humor, Misunderstandings, Oops, Post-Breath of the Wild, Recovered Memories, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26078656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TekSonay/pseuds/TekSonay
Summary: These may be my last recorded words, so I'll be brief: I didn't do it. And that's when my problems started. (in which Link forgets something a teensy bit important...) Post-BotW shenanigans!
Relationships: Link/Zelda (Legend of Zelda)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 69





	1. the question

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This story was birthed after several serious attempts to write an emotional, angst-rich tale encompassing all my love for BotW and its characters. What resulted is this cry for help. If you can't walk in the garden, roll in the dirt next to it. ;-)
> 
> Behold! My irreverent offering to the fandom.

Wind flowing through my thick, unwashed locks.

Check.

A red sky lighting up my shit-eating grin.

Check.

I stare at my Sheikah Slate as a tiny, annoying golden glow winks out of existence, and I release a laugh as the words "Destroy Ganon" fade into gray.

That's right, I finally did it. I, Link, Champion of the Champions - after endless skirmishes, hours of burning food, mad accessorizing, collecting leaf poops, and exorcising mummies - have finally, finally completed all the Main Quests in my Adventure Log.

Check, check, check!

I pump my fist and my shiny gauntlet creaks at my arm's downward tug. The Sheikah Slate chirps in response, and my smile wavers when two words, bright white and neat, float to the top of the list.

Well, except one.

The sky starts lightening, I can hear the princess speaking to me. For real this time, not some voice in my head. I hastily put away my slate and follow to where she stands with her back to me. Her hair is gold, like a nicely done fried banana. I wonder about her face, though, isn't she like a hundred years old? I didn't get a proper look earlier with the whole exploding Ganon thing. Heck, for all I know she's got an arrangement with the Kochi Dye Shop. Hair care's important when you're fighting great evil. Wouldn't want a damsel in dis _tresses_.

Heh heh.

"Thank you, Link, the hero of Hyrule…"

Shoot, she's turning.

The sun gets zesty and the goddess starts sprinkling light dust I swear, and I freeze.

Whoah.

Correction: those smoldering green eyes do not belong to a fried banana.

"May I ask…"

"Anything for you, Prin -"

"...do you really remember me?"

Her mouth is smiling, I think, her beautiful shut-in complexion is blinding, and as I squint at her my throat goes dry. I think of my Adventure Log and suddenly I'm taken back to six minutes ago. I've just shot an arrow. The Calamity is screaming as if we've missed his birthday for the last century (sorry bro), and next thing I see is this woman popping out of his forehead like a pretty lil star fragment.

Pretty sure she took down the Calamity with her eyes closed.

I can't even piss with my eyes closed.

Probably in my best interest to lie but the thing is.

"Um… not really?"

I beam at her. My sweat drops glisten like diamonds.

Uncompleted Quest: _Captured Memories._


	2. interrogation

For all you dude-identifying fellas out there, here's a piece of advice: if a lady asks if you forgot her existence, and you did, please lie.

Oh, I should want a relationship based on honesty? Um... I just watched her blow up an ancient evil entity in the "thank you for the meal" position.

The sky has darkened. I'm stirring a big pot of stew (I swear this is related). No special attack or movement boosts, nothing with skewers. Only a bit of nice meat with extra meat in case the princess has an inclination towards flesh. If I'm going to die tonight I'd rather provide as minimal assistance as possible. Like I did with sealing Ganon.

(To be clear, I'm not scared of the princess; I'm afraid. There's a subtle difference in etymology.)

So yup, eating our dinner in Hyrule Castle Town Ruins, terrifying little Guardian puppies wandering around and everything. I assumed that the princess might, you know, be sick of this place after a century but here we are.

"So you're saying," she begins.

I immediately shove a spoonful of burning stew in my mouth.

She rubs her lovely golden temples and stares at me over the fire. She looks tired. I'm tired, too, though I can't exactly say that.

"You determined that the pictures left on your Sheikah Slate helped trigger your memories of us, but you weren't able to locate them all? How many pictures remain then?" she mutters before standing from her log with difficulty. I watch with my mouth half open. She doesn't seem to want help despite being unsteady. My concern morphs to alarm when she circles the cooking pot and reaches for my slate.

I swiftly set my bowl aside and hide the slate behind me.

"Link…" Her voice is exasperated.

I lean over and take one more bite of stew. Gotta get that last meal in.

She reaches for me this time and I squeeze my eyes shut, anticipating that sweet, flesh-incinerating hit of spicy goddess magic when suddenly something warm slumps over me. I flinch. I risk a peek.

Well then.

The princess is passed out across my lap.

Banana-smooth hair draped everywhere. My hands hover awkwardly as I take in her form and stained dress with pity. Man, she's had it rough. The goddess didn't even get her a decent detergent. What should I do, should I leave her? Move her? Maybe there's a stick nearby…

Listen, it's not me who has issues with touching. Probably.

As I'm struggling on my course of action, a familiar clicking noise comes to my attention. I pause. That's not coming from me is it? I glance over my shoulder. Oh wow. Yay. The princess is still awake. And playing on the Sheikah Slate. Wait, nope - not playing, she's going straight for the memory bank.

Damn dam and reservoir.

"Link."

I cringe.

Gleaming greens narrow up at me. "Get up. We're going somewhere."


	3. error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These may be my last recorded words, so I'll be brief: I didn't do it. And that's when my problems started. (in which Link forgets something a teensy bit important...) Post-BotW shenanigans!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Involving Memory #1: Subdued Ceremony]

Climbed through a robot-infested castle, fought an ancient evil, mowed Hyrule’s front lawn, saved the world. It’s been a long day. The air is chilly. It’s a great night for a bonfire and hot meal before hopping up and walking a mile. Hey there, Guardians, how you doing? Enjoying a nice stroll? Oh you know me, just dragging a half-dead princess past you while trying not to shat my pants. It’s all in the past two hours, amiright?

The place the princess leads us to is called the Sacred Ground Ruins. Why they deemed a random stone dais in the middle of nowhere sacred, I dunno, maybe a sage spat here. Her ladyship guides me to a column which she settles against, sighs as she lowers her feet into the mini moat. My plan to join her halts when she points towards a gentle golden luminescence at the dais center. I know where that portal leads; that right there leads to _emotions_. 

“First one, Link,” the princess says, eyelids drooping.

I hesitate. 

“I’m only resting. Go,” she mumbles. 

My feet shuffle. The princess lifts her hand and a thin stream of light zaps towards me. I dodge with a yelp.

Have you ever recalled a memory? It’s not exactly like you think. It’s like going to bed sober and waking up drunk. One time I was asking for directions and suddenly found myself getting roasted by some smart-ass bird. 

I inch towards the light show and wonder if this will be similar to those couple other instances. As I get closer, my mind brims with deep questions about this brief life I’ve led. Why did I let Bolson decorate my house? How does Beedle know when I have beetles? Do the Gerudo actually believe I’m a woman or is it one giant conspiracy they’re laughing about over Noble Pursuits? Because that’s mean, they haven’t let me drink one once.

The glowy circle laps at my boots. My heart is pounding - keep it up, heart. Then with a breath deeper than a Great Fairy’s wallet I finally step in. 

The light instantly disappears.

Bam. Darkness. Twisty shadowy trees. A nearby abandoned Korok sways like a creepy demon as the moon shows its pasty face. It’s the worst and I have the immediate desire to warp out of here. Without thinking I reach for the slate at my hip, but my hand grabs air. Panicking, I pat my body.

A gentle snore has me on Hinox alert before I recognize the princess. Wait, she’s asleep? She’s the one who wants me to do this ritual stuff!

...And she’s also the person who has my slate.

I sigh.

It takes me a minute to sneak it out of her hands.

It takes another minute to extricate myself from her arms as she mumbles, “Link, you divine beast,” but don’t worry I’m no snitch.

It isn’t until I’m standing in the portal spot again, staring at the slate picture, that I realize that something is very, very not good.

I can’t recover the memory.


	4. so close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These may be my last recorded words, so I'll be brief: I didn't do it. And that's where my problems started. (in which Link forgets something a teensy bit important...) Post-BotW shenanigans!

Breakfast looks good.

Absolutely marvelous. 

Not a dubious crumb to be found.

I really outdid myself with the crepes, and the omelets, and the meat pies. Now all I have to do is wait for the princess to wake up so I can carefully break the news to her that there’s no need to pursue this memory thing aka I botched the memory thing.

She raises herself from the pile of my softest clothes and stretches like the goddess she is before blinking at the dishes in front of her. She points an elegant finger at herself. “Are these all for me?”

I nod eagerly.

She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I only feed on the tonic of fairies.”

My face falls. I haven’t seen a fairy since the Great Massacre of -

“I’m teasing. I’m famished, I could eat a whole sand seal!” 

Good luck catching one, the slippery bastards.

While she eats, I start hitching up the two horses I had caught during the night out of a spirit of generosity and practicality.

Actually I ran away. 

I got as far as Whistling Hill when I remembered that the princess has this uncanny ability to watch me anywhere, which is why I no longer sell the rushrooms, you get my meaning. So stalking softly I seized the savage, suspicious steeds that I skillfully steered to a stable. The stable stud, spying my stifled sobs, said:

“Stop it.”

Then shut the curtains.

Guess we’ll be missing tomorrow night’s south side social. 

Meanwhile, our first order of business should be getting cleaned up. Putting my clothes away I try not to smile too idiotically as I wonder which set she’ll wear. When I note she ate more than I did that last lynel fight, my heart does a little thumpty-thump. She notices my stupefied expression and pinkens. 

“The last meal I ate was a bowl of unseasoned moblin guts.”

That’s, wow. 

“We were running and you said it’d give me strength.”

My attitude towards my past self takes a nosedive. I didn’t even salt the moblin guts. I disgust me.

Speaking of past selves, which risks breaching the topic of past memories, which I’d like to avoid like an oath of pain, which is probably something my past self would say, never mind. Reaching down, I help the princess to her feet and guide her to her horse. Why don’t we warp to our destination, you inquire? See previous point on fear of memories. I ain’t seen no Sheikah Slate, have you? What’s a Sheikah?

After the princess struggles to mount her horse, I take it upon myself to pick her up, forgetting that my body is that of a wee man’s and not Sidon’s. So I don’t lift her very high. My forearms bracing her thighs, her body draping against mine with her arms around my neck like she’s going to give me a little smoochy-smooch... if I had infinite stamina I wouldn’t mind standing here all day. 

Just kidding. She’s way too old for me.

Though apparently I’m not in the best of shape either because my heart nearly gives out when she presses our noses together.

“Link, I forgot to ask because I fell asleep. Tell me about the memory!”


	5. implication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These may be my last recorded words, so I'll be brief: I didn't do it. And that's when my problems started. (in which Link forgets something a teensy bit important...) Post-BotW shenanigans!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m having too much fun with this xD
> 
> [Reminder, involving Memory #1: Subdued Ceremony]

There’s a saying about past lives, and that’s don’t have them. 

Either become immortal or insult the Goddess in a really, really, really mean way so she never brings you back. Or simply be normal, yeah: don’t try to save anyone, don’t pull any holy swords, and don’t be exceptionally good looking. 

We’re currently on a horse, horse being singular like my relationship status (though my wingman Kass says I have a chance; he’s got five kids, he knows what’s up). The princess was concerned she wouldn’t have enough endurance to ride alone, and picking which horse to let go was tough, I tell ya. They were lousy at rock, paper, scissors so I had to go with the classic Fetch the Apple. While that one was distracted we mounted the dumb one and bolted. 

Unfortunately my hot spring plans were abandoned along with loser horse, as we are now heading for Lake Kolomo, aka memory extraction point number two. 

‘Hey, you never told us how you answered the princess’s memory question last chapter,’ you protest. You’re right, I didn’t. Because I didn’t answer it. You think I have a self-destruction wish? You think I like carrying this many meals? 

Of course I can’t ignore her so I, er, implied an answer. Got all pensive like I had to go deep. Redoubled my efforts to help her mount before swinging up behind her. Now as she looks at me over her shoulder, I open my mouth and hesitate as if I’m not sure how to say “it.” 

Of course “it” being if you do kill me, please don’t let Kilton anywhere near my body.

And the princess?

“...I understand.”

Hah! I might survive this after all. 

But she’s not done.

“Forgive me, I forgot how humiliating it must have been for you.”

...Hold up.

“With everyone watching, and you on your knees, too. I, I never would have made you do it if I knew _that_ wouldn’t even work.”

Whoa, whoa, what kind of ritual was this?

“But now we know, of course.”

Um, no, we definitely don’t. 

“Besides I’m grateful. Otherwise my father would have never allowed us to travel together.”

We ride in silence for a full minute.

Steeling myself, I glance down -

“Finally, we’re here!” the princess cries. 

Lake Kolomo in all it’s pale, naked glory. While her majesty wobbles down to the open shoreline, I sneak the slate out from its hiding place in the saddle bag and give it a good shake. Only I get to decide what’s worth repressing, you hear?

By the time I trudge down to the beach, the princess has slipped out of her grubby sandals and is waist deep in the clear waters. When she sees me, her eyes crinkle in this happy smile that has me toeing off my boots. I’m tripping over the second one when she points to a grassy protrusion further down the shoreline aaaaaand damn it.

“The next memory is right there,” she confirms. “Don’t worry, if I remember correctly this one is less dramatic than the last.”

I swallow, then raise a brow in askance. 

“Me?” She splashes the water joyfully. “I’m going to take a bath!”


	6. role play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These may be my last recorded words, so I'll be brief: I didn't do it. And that's where my problems started. (in which Link forgets something a teensy bit important...) Post-BotW shenanigans!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Involving Memory #3: Resolve and Grief]

The sun over Lake Kolomo is shining. The air smells good enough to eat. I've got Scavenger Fashion Magazine's latest apron wrapped around my hips - dubbed Domestic Hylian Hood - and using a forked lizal spear, I carefully lift out of the fire two plates of spicy peppered seafood.

Lunch will be a quaint affair set against a tasteful backdrop of giant boulder, and while the food cools I think I'll do a bit of mending.

Starting with this situation.

Down by the shoreline there's a couple of cloaks tied between a couple trees. The princess bursts out from within them: red-faced, blue-lipped, and looking super fine in my Snowquill gear.

"Unb-believable," she mutters, stomping up to me. Three ice blocks glisten in the lake behind her. Even at this distance it's tough to see between them, they're positioned that closely together; excellent.

"T-That was comp-pletely unnecess-ssary!" she scowls, crouching beside the fire wrapping her arms around herself. "Putting some s-silly ice b-barr-rrier around me. We're in the m-middle of nowhere, L-Link! Who w-would even see me?"

Tut-tut. Are you even using those eyes, young lady? I counted at least two foxes, a mountain buck, and a couple of sneaky Hyrule bass we'll be having for dinner. Shameless scoundrels. Now let Wifey Link take care of you.

Squatting beside her, I offer her a warm plate. She sets it aside and grabs my cheeks in her freezing hands. I yelp.

"D-Don't do that again," she scolds inches from me.

I swallow. So hot. I mean cold. I mean sexy. "Yes, ma'am."

Satisfied, she sits back and picks up her fork.

I fan myself.

I wave off her confused stare.

"Mmm this is del-licous," she moans, and I close my eyes and thank the land for rock salt, because that's how I've decided I'm going to get through this. "Anyways, how d-did it go with the second memory?"

And thank you, Eldin, for your generous ore deposits, from which rock salt is abundant.

She lowers her fork. "Was it strange?" Her shivers are subsiding, I note with relief. "It was strange, wasn't it?"

"Well, you…" Now I feel bad. What's the appropriate way to say that after failing to trigger another memory, I spent that entire stint trying to delete the picture locations off the slate?

She sighs. "Even so, what you must have seen, we used to do that a lot. Sometimes for an afternoon, sometimes days on end. It felt awkward at first, to be sure, we weren't familiar with one another, and you were very patient with me. Hah, I'm a bit embarrassed about the things I said back then."

Listening to her talk, I slowly brace my elbows on my knees and lace my fingers in front of my mouth.

Sweet baby mother of Dinraal.

* * *

"It's your turn next."

Minutes have passed and it takes me a second to get my throat functioning. "Pardon?"

The princess seems to enjoy putting me on edge and, as you might have noticed, I've subscribed. She takes our empty plates and gestures casually past me. I match her smile until I realize the ice blocks are still there.

"Don't worry, dear knight," she adds solemnly, "I'll guard your virtue."


	7. deluge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These may be my last recorded words, so I'll be brief: I didn't do it. And that's where my problems started. (in which Link forgets something a teensy bit important...) Post-BotW shenanigans!

Karma is a word I'm not supposed to say in front of the princess.

"It's not funny," I mumble as she laughs in my arms. Okay, it's a little funny. That water was _hella_ freezing. I didn't expect her to have a vengeful streak.

"You should have seen your face," she snickers, clutching the horse pommel. "You turned pink and your hair stuck out like a, a lynel's mane!"

I roll my eyes. "Like this?" I dig my fingers into her silky yellow and gently fluff out the strands. She gasps and reaches back, smacking me away.

"After all I've killed for you," she grumbles darkly, smoothing her hair.

Huh?

"Hm? Hey Link, shall I tell you stories?"

The princess, I'm learning, loves to talk. She talks for fifteen minutes straight, dozes, startles awake and talks more. It's cute. I feel dumb, because she uses big words and detailed phrases, but I like it.

We're riding on a road west side of Whistling Hill, heading just north of the Bottomless Swamp. The princess is hoping to get to the next memory spot before it rains, but I'm not. Bring on the waterworks, Hyrule. Flood this pitiful post-apocalyptic nature fest. It'll be tough, but the two of us will do our best to repopulate the earth.

The princess sighs and leans back on my shoulder. I quickly repent. Okay no flooding. Just delaying. Lots and lots of delaying...

"Why don't you call me by my name?" she wonders aloud.

I give the horse a little kick. Can't this guy go any faster?

"I'm not exactly a princess anymore. It'd be nice to hear my name after a century of, 'worthless pious witch,' courtesy of the Calamity."

She laughs, so I laugh, too.

She bursts into tears.

Panicking, I awkwardly pat her arm. There, there.

"Sorry." She scrubs her eyes. "It's just that whenever I think of him, I get so mad I want to seal him all over again."

I nod.

"Or chain him in the maw of Death Mountain."

My arm patting hastens (big word).

"Force him to look me in the eye when I incinerate him piece by piece until he submits and confesses himself as the most wretched cretin that ever plagued Hyrule."

That's enough vitriolic anathematizing out of you, young lady.

I take a breath and employ my best soothing technique: giving her what she wants. "Zelda."

She beams.

I cover my face to hide my blush. Whatever's left of the Calamity when she's done with him, I'll piss on it and toss it into Karusa Valley's bottomless hole for ever hurting this precious honey crepe.

To be honest I'm not sure why I've always referred to her by her title. Maybe it's not knowing her well because I'm an amnesiac. Maybe it's because she's capable of carrying out the threats she just made.

Two hours later our destination comes into view. It's a thicket tucked alongside the Hylia River. Neat walking place. Good area for fishing. I like it.

"I hate this place," the princess-Zelda mutters.

Flood it.

After letting the horse, Dumbutt, loose to graze, Zelda-princess settles against a tree with a sigh. All that vengeance must've taken it out of her, everything except her attention, that is, which is focused on a shining patch of gold.

I demurely touch my hair. My secret is milk and honey butter balm. It nourishes the roots, giving it that healthy sheen.

Hah. Hah. Okay okay, we all know she's looking at the next memory spot.

Sob.

"Link," Zelda's expression is eager, "I'd like to observe you this time, if you don't mind."


	8. thespian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These may be my last recorded words, so I'll be brief: I didn't do it. And that's where my problems started. (in which Link forgets something a teensy bit important...) Post-BotW shenanigans!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link has every skill in the book except being normal with Zelda lol.
> 
> [This references Memory #16: Despair]

When I signed up for this hero gig with a fine-point Master Sword, I didn't realize that acting would be one of the trials.

Lying I don't mind. It's basically extended sarcasm. You'd be amazed at the crap people believe. Once I told these Hateno kids, "Sure, you can paraglide with bed sheets." Did I let them go through with it? Of course I did. Why do you think their moms hate me?

I also once catfished this desert pervert super hard, and - okay, fine, the kids are fine, alright? It was a tiny cliff, a teeny, tiny cliff with a bunch of soft grass at the bottom. I know better than to be haunted by the ghosts of disappointed children.

Acting, on the other hand…

Zelda watches expectantly, sitting by her tree, as I stand next to the magic circle. I haven't been this uncomfortable since I first wore the Tingle tights. It's one thing to lie - excuse me, act - for children, but Zelda actually remembers this stuff. I'm forgetting why I pretended in the first place. It's not like I still have to play a self-preservation game. The princess would never damage my handsome visage.

Maybe my arms. A knee.

I should tell her. We rode a horse together, spent the night. Damn, a proposal is in order, isn't it? Papa Bosphoramus, I swear we slept separately.

"Link, before you begin, I'd like you to know how much this means to me. It can't be easy yet you're trying so hard for my sake. I… I'm so grateful I put my faith in you all these years. There's none I trust more than you."

Zelda's hands are grasped to her chest. Her hydromelon eyes shine with liquid emotion.

Ahhhh I get it now.

So this is what it feels like to be a total asshole.

Giant tech brick in hand, I clear my throat, slowly lift the slate, and pray to the Goddess and Lester the Curry Guy: please, no matter what happens, don't let my spicy peppered gas bubble ruin this.

"Lo," I begin.

I'm screwed.

No, I can do this. Simple as sleeping in a stable, steady breaths, eyes wide open. Yeah. Yeah, I see you there, Beedle. You're not sneaking into my saddlebags tonight, oh no sir. Keep thine obsessive angst-pincers to thyself.

Staring ahead woodenly, I try my best to imagine what might have happened here. Honestly I'm a bit nervous, considering the, ahem, risqué implications of those first two memories. But they shouldn't all be freaky. My handful of recollections about the Champions were all about honor, and duty, and Mipha touching my arm. I have a nice arm, I understand why she did it.

While I'm contemplating how long I should drag this out, movement stirs in my peripheral. I try not to flinch when Zelda plants herself in front of me, face tilted in curiosity.

"Hmm."

I keep my attention forward. I'm not scared of the princess, you are. Look at all your nasty sweat. Ouch my eyes.

The hairs on my neck raise when her glowing palms hover over my biceps and start drifting up over my shoulders, pausing by my ears. I don't know what's happening but it feels kind of illegal. _Exciting._ No, bad Link! Focus.

Dammit, Zelda, I told them this wouldn't be freaky.

Unable to take the tension, I fake a gasp. The princess quickly lowers her now normal hands to my shoulders. I hope she gives me a massage. She searches my face.

"What did you see?"

Where did all my luck go? Did Past Me take that, too? Curse you, me.

"I saw you," I answer slowly.

"And?"

"And me."

"Anything else?"

"And… us."

"..."

"Together. Here."

"Link."

"Yes!"

"What was I wearing?"

Shit.

"Your, uh, royal highness outfit."

Zelda presses her lips together.


	9. revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These may be my last recorded words, so I'll be brief: I didn't do it. And that's where my problems started. (in which Link forgets something a teensy bit important...) Post-BotW shenanigans!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was nice knowing you, Link!

There's a glint in Zelda's eye, and I don't think it means, "Come hither with thine slender lips."

"I have a very important question for you, Link," she speaks slowly, lightly squeezing my shoulders as if to soothe the untamed beast that I am.

My thumb hovers over the Stasis rune. "Of course."

"How did I seem to feel about you?" Guilt flickers across her face, followed by a complicated expression. "In the first two memories, that is. Not this one."

Wow, is it hot out here? Lightning rod questions about your mysterious sex life, am I right?

"Why princess, there are kids present," I laugh awkwardly, adjusting the collar of my Hylian tunic. Seriously, there are two Koroks like a hundred feet away.

She doesn't laugh.

Shit.

Wait, I already said that.

Hetsu's Gift.

And she doesn't seem willing to fill-in-the-blanks this time.

Look, I know I got myself into this situation. I'm a responsible guy. A bit old to take on a secret love child, if that's what I'm missing here, but if I can cradle swift violets down a cliffside then I can carry a baby, dangit. Zelda deserves to know that I think that I know that she knows that I forgot what I was saying.

"You used to be, uh, kinda into me," I confess modestly. I'm a shy boy, alright?

Zelda sighs.

"Link, I hated you."

…

Come again?

She grimaces. "I'm afraid it's true. You were great at everything whereas I couldn't get one thing right. So when you were assigned as my escort, I tried getting rid of you, and in fact said some pretty awful things. I was always sort of hoping you'd trip and eat dirt."

Well, that wish has definitely been fulfilled.

"That first memory was your knighting ceremony, we were hoping it would awaken my powers. Then the memory of Lake Kolomo well, we were just walking, but you followed me everywhere. It was irritating."

The more she talks, the more I feel my soul being sucked towards the luminous stones in my pocket.

Gritting my teeth, I clutch my chest. But my child! 

Kass, you traitor! The music he sang over and over and so sweetly to my pointy ears, it was all a lie?

Hold on a sec. Why is she telling me all this?

Unless…

Horror growing, I search her face. Her beautiful features soften in pity, the way yours might before you start shooting a blupee full of arrows.

"I see you've guessed it. Yes, I know. You've been keeping something from me, haven't you, Link?" she says quietly.

My tongue feels like sand as one of her hands leaves my shoulder to trace along my gulping throat. It trails up my jaw, falls to my shoulder again before brushing down my wrist. Suddenly her arm swings.

Dazed, and fingers twitching dumbly, I blink up at the slate confiscated high in the air.

The princess puts a fist on her hip and brandishes it at me.

"The Sheikah Slate is broken, isn't it?"


End file.
